Louder Still

I love Dorm Meeting. It brings a strong sense of unity and ownership for the students of Boyce College. (As a sidenote, I know the difference between unity and uniformity, explained as follows.) It brings unity in the sense that we, all of different backgrounds, can come together and sing songs of worship and praise to the Almighty Creator. It gives us ownership in the fact that we get to be intimately involved in the production of it, whether through being in the band, giving a testimony or devotion, or even running Media Shout. And especially, we all get to join in through worshipping in the way that seems best to us and God.

Tonight was the first night of DM this semester. More so then normally tonight, it was big, passionate, and awesome. As we sang songs of the Lord's great renown, His Passion, His exalted state, and so on, I just felt the need to yell the words at the top of my voice. It didn't feel write to approach the Lord with anything but a sacrifice, and for me, that sacrifice was a pair of sore vocal cords. At least, my sacrifice was sore vocal cords for the evening. Tomorrow's sunrise will necessitate another offering, one of free will, and I can't think of anything better then everything. Father, help me to open my hands.

We Always Need Grace But Sometimes We Just Realize It

This may be a commentary on myself, but I had forgotten just how hard it can be, doing God's will. I am already mentally exhausted about this R.L. thing, but don't worry, I will persevere. God gave me this job/ministry position as an answer to prayer.

I do not exagerate the following. One night over Christmas break, I felt the conviction to pray for my finances, I think primarily because my parents were a little stressed about the dollar and cent forcast. So, I asked God to bless my finances, provide for me, and stretch my money. I admited to Him that I knew that He already knew what I needed. I knew that God was my Father, loved me, and would provide for me. The next morning, I got a call from Aaron, the Resident Supervisor, asking me to come on board as a Resident Leader. God provided, just when I needed Him.

Stupid me. I said here's to a dangerous new year. Stupid me. It's sort of like asking God to humble you. DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But as far as asking for danger is asking to be in God's will, then I will ask again.

The following story for Nehemiah has encouraged me lately. Nehemiah had come so so far in the work God had for them. The wall of Jerusalem was nearing completion, and their enemies were scared. So the opposition ringleaders tried to get to him using those who should have been speaking on God's behalf. They pulled strings and got the prophets to go against him. This was Nehemiah's response to the sin-inciting words that Shemaiah spoke against him: I realized that God had not sent him, because of the prophecy he spoke against me. [Neh 6:12 (HCSB)]

To sum it up, I feel hurt, tired, stessed, anxious, fearful, and God only knows what else. The funny thing is, I'm not worried about the end though. I know that I am following God, I know that I'm where I want to be. I will win, but only because I'm on the Lord's side. Thank the Lord for that.

The following is where I'm at right now. Thank you Lord for Todd Agnew and the words of encouragement you have given him.

Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
Full of pity, love, and power

Come ye thirsty, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
Every grace that brings you nigh

I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms

Come ye weary, heavy-laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry until you're better
You will never come at all

also

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

Grace is so much more than forgiveness. Boy do I know that right now.

Empathy

Empathy is an emotion that will always be limited in scope, but I believe that I have just a bit of empathy with John Letoto. It came just moments ago, as I looked at the pictures he posted from his trip home to Hawai'i.

Each and every picture meant absolutely nothing to me outside of the fact that that was my dear friend John in them. That's it. The faces didn't trigger any emotions for me, and I hadn't been to any of the places. Still, I felt for his sorrow, felt for his separation, felt for his bifurcation.

Being a mere nineteen years old, I can hardly imagine what confliction he's going through, being away again. I can't imagine what it would be like, living in one state for twenty-four years, a paradise state at that. I can't imagine the shock value of moving from there to Louisville, Kentucky, change of climate, change of scenary, change of friends for so long.

I too know what it's like to have a double life like this. An intense bond to home, an intense bond to here. Nancy Jane's words upon my return to Springdale sum it up best: "Welcome home, I mean, welcome back." Which is it, I wonder? Or is this a lick to center of the Tootsie Pop situation: Will the world ever know?

I revert to last blog I wrote when I was home:

Martyr Jim Elliot once said, "Wherever you go, be all there." I guess that's how I feel with this. It's a bittersweet existence, this bifurcated life of mine. And I know that eventually, one side will have to win out. Growing up takes no prisnors. But hey, here's to a new semester with new prospects, new hopes, new dreams, and new evidences of God at work. I once heard Erwin McManus preach a sermon about how the center of God's will is a dangerous place to be. With that in mind, here's to a dangerous new year.

As we say in the West, Hasta luego.

You'll Fit Right In...

The title is a reference to one of the funniest cross cultural comedies one will ever see. I speak, of course, of The Great Muppet Caper. Upon arrival in Great Britain, ("Now we'll never get to England" - Fozzie), they are recommended a cheap place to park their carcass, The Happiness Hotel. It is here, that they sing a song in grand, Jim Henson style. The chorus goes like

Welcome home (Welcome Home!)
Welcome home (Welcome Home!)
No matter where you wander
You will never do so well.

Today was move in day here at Boyce. Now that I am a "Resident Leader" it was part of my responsibility to help. I never thought that moving in about 15 guys could be so stressful and tiring. I went back to my room, and just laid on my bed. My mistake was when I rolled over, and cradled my head in my arms. I was out baby. Out. Slept from about 4 to 6:29. And I was supposed to be at the pizza thing for the newbies. Supposed to. Don't worry about me though. I still got free pizza afterwards.

Back to the Muppets. There's this part where you see the first movie appearance of Rizzo the Rat, along with his rat cohorts. Dressed in their bellhop uniforms, they have the priceless line: And if you don't mind friendly animals and can learn to stand the smell, you'll fit right in, at Happiness Hotel! I don't know that I can think of any truer words then these outside of Scripture to start off a new student at Boyce.

In closing, shout outs and much love to Scott O'Neal, Melissa Kotch, Kristie Miller, Ruth Anne Hahn, and Emily Cavanaugh for giving me their two cents on finding a watch, especially to Melissa for doing much of the work. Furthermore, an abundance of thanks to Emily, for driving back to Target thirty minutes later, so I could exchange the watch for one that works.

Homeward Bound?

Thank you all for your kind words of comfort in the wake of my television tragedy. The good news is that later Christmas day, we discovered that if we smacked it as hard as possible, or dropped it two inches, the picture would come back on. Fortunately, Dad and Mom got the hint, and picked up a 24" Sanyo flatscreen for under $200. Did I mention that Star Wars in w i d e s c r e e n rocks my world?

Oh, yes, regarding the title. Tomorrow, at4:45 p.m., EST, my plane, God willing, will land in Louisville. It's weird, being so happy to go back to Louisville. Don't get me wrong: I love my family and friends here dearly. There's something about the charm of a small rural town, and it looked so gorgeous this afternoon as we began the trip down to mountain. (A few inches of snow will make any town look good.) But the truth is, I'm stoked to go back. At least for the time being, God seems to have made Louisville my primary theater of spiritual battle. Not that it's indentured service either. Part of the reason I'm so stoked is because of the great friends God's given me. Seriously, I have a freakin herd of brothers and sisters who encourage me and challenge me and shower me with love. Another part is found in the ministry opportunites I have. I help in the youth program at my church and God's brought me into many areas of service and leadership at Boyce, one of which just came about in the past few days. My classes should be awesome as well, although I know they won't be easy.

Martyr Jim Elliot once said, "Wherever you go, be all there." I guess that's how I feel with this. It's a bittersweet existence, this bifurcated life of mine. And I know that eventually, one side will have to win out. Growing up takes no prisnors. But hey, here's to a new semester with new prospects, new hopes, new dreams, and new evidences of God at work. I once heard Erwin McManus preach a sermon about how the center of God's will is a dangerous place to be. With that in mind, here's to a dangerous new year.