Lent, Again

Seven hours out from my church's Ash Wednesday service, I could almost say that once again, Lent has snuck up on me, necessitating another 40 day period sans sweets. This time, however, it feels different. I find in this season a sort of desperation. This is not about asceticism, which is good, because asceticism is useless for spiritual growth. Rather, this is about life and death discipleship. This is about taking the war to the enemy's door. I have met the enemy, and he is me.

I find myself learning lessons about my heart these days, painful lessons that show me just how bad it is. It's a painful thing to realize that I've systematically and systemically patted myself on the back for supposed righteousness, excusing and justifying a pride more layered than a delicious tiramisu. I read Herbert's "Lent," per my tradition, today, and I was surprised to find I wasn't just encouraged - I was convicted.

It's true, we cannot reach Christ's forti'th day;
Yet to go part of that religious way,
      Is better than to rest:
We cannot reach our Saviour's purity;
Yet are we bid, Be holy ev'n as he.
      In both, let's do our best.

The Victor's Crown (When the Game is Over Before the Last Whistle)

I haven't posted for a while.  Multiple reasons (not excuses) could be proffered as to why I have written so scantly, but at its core, writing is a discipline.  That said, this post has been steeping for a while.  My mother is dying of cancer.  I have shared my heart on this with those who are closest to me, especially my brothers and sisters at Sojourn Community Church, my church family who has loved me in a way that deserves its own post. However, I feel that I need to write some things in this forum for you, whoever you are, to read.

My personal athletic career has been brief and casual, rec league stuff.  I'm something of a rabid fan, though, cheering on primarily Arizona teams (plus Manchester United).  As a fan of Arizona professional sports, my second-hand athletic sorrow has been most profound, culminating in the Cardinal's late-fourth quarter loss to the Steelers in Super Bowl XLIII.  I mention sports (and losing at sports) because they're an excellent example of the feeling in your gut when you know you've lost before its officially over.  Maybe there's time on the clock, maybe you even have the ball, but nevertheless, the lead is insurmountable.  It's over.

This is where I find myself. The punch-in-the-gut feeling I felt that night in February 2009, watching time run out on the Cardinals is but a microcosm, and a tiny one, at that, of the pain of watching time run out on my mom.  It doesn't matter that there's still time on the clock. The lead is insurmountable. Cancer has ravaged her body, reducing her almost to a skeleton.  She is barely able to stand with assistance; she barely wants to eat or drink the smallest portions of the most meager foods.  She has almost no strength to speak.

I'm gutted and numbed right now.  It's a surreal thing to see my mom slip away like this.  Some of you might wonder about God in all this.  Some of you might wonder why this suffering exists and why my mom is going through this at all.  Some might even scoff and say "If there is a God," why then this suffering?

I'm thankful because in the story of the Bible, I find my story, my mom's story. In it, you (whoever you are) will also find your story (whether you like it or not).  The story starts with God.  God creates the world, the universe.  He creates it good, perfect even; he creates humanity in his own image and brings them into relationship with himself. Humanity, however, rebels against good, choosing themselves as gods instead.  This is called the Fall, and all that was once good and perfect is now horrifically marred, devastated.  But rather than destroying these rebels, these ones who knowingly rebelled against all that was good, this God who created everything promises to recreate everything. He promises that he will provide atonement for sin.  Atonement is a word that was created by Bible-translator and martyr William Tyndale to express what he called at-one-ment.  To atone for something is to do what it takes to make it one again.  God provided this atonement by giving himself, by giving his son Jesus to pay the price for sin.  God took on the flesh of creation.  He lived the life I and everyone should have lived -  a perfect, holy one.  He then died the death I (and you!) should have died, a death of punishment for sin.  However, Redemption was not just accomplished by an act of martyrdom.  Jesus was raised for our justification, that I (and you!) might be made right with God.  We now live between Redemption and Glorification.  God's recreation of everything will be completed when Jesus returns to judge the living and the dead, ushering in a new Heaven and a new Earth.

I have hope because this is my story!  This world we live in is passing away.  I see that in my mom.  She is in pain and dying.  I have hope because I know that her story doesn't end her, in the devastated world of the Fall.  It ends in eternal joy.

In the big story of the Bible, one can find many stories with which to identify.  I identify a lot with the Apostle Paul.  Once an adamant hater of Christianity, he was radically changed by Jesus and preached the faith he once tried to destroy. A life of extreme hardship would follow, including numerous stints in Roman prisons.  After a long stint of this, he knew that his head would soon be laid on a chopping block.  He wrote to his protege Timothy, exhorting him to hold on and persevere in the faith he had received. He wrote the following to him:

"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." - 2 Timothy 4:6-8

I can't help but think of my mom.  She has fought through so much hardship in her life, including this ten-year battle with cancer.  She has fought well, she has finished well, she has held on to Jesus.  She will die soon and soon she will be with Jesus himself.  The crown of righteousness (other translations: the victor's crown) will soon be on her head.

I have many tears yet to cry.  But while I hurt, I hope.  Hope is not a vague feeling, a "oh boy! things are  a gonna get better, yes sir!" type of delusional sentiment.  Hope is anchored in reality; it empowers us to trust in what's real, not just what we feel.  Your prayers are appreciated.  Grace and peace to you all in Jesus Christ.

Damien Jurado and Me, Circa 2004

I made a last minute decision to hit up the latest hot show to play The 930 Art Center here in Louisville, KY.  Although I've seen The Parade Schedule Close to 10 times (not really exaggerating), tonight they opened for an indie icon Damien Jurado.  Although I hadn't really listened to much of his stuff (or so I thought), I knew it would be quality and indeed, his first show ever in Louisville was heartbreakingly beautiful.  (Emphasis on the heartbreak. Jurado's songs tend to be about lost love, death, and lost love.)

After playing a solid set, he dismissed his road band and continued solo acoustic. I enjoyed every song, even though I didn't know them. At the risk of sappiness, some brought me near tears, or at least, made me want to want to cry.  (That's not a typo.)  He made the typical, "I've got two more," remark and proceeded to play a song I did know, a song I first heard so, so long ago.  "I fell in love with a girl of nineteen // A black haired girl, I called Abilene // Young girl, where's your husband? // Sadly, she replied, I do not have one // Then it's you I'll marry, with your parent's permission."

I knew those lyrics.  My mind was immediately in 2004.  Before Facebook, before MySpace, we had Xanga, one of the first easy-access blogging platforms.  Mine still exists, and no, I won't tell you what was my address. Some things are best left buried. (Also, Google won't help. I locked the account.) In addition to ranting about whatever we wanted to rant about (a tradition continued by bloggers today), we could connect in "blogrings" and give each other "eProps." Guttenberg's legacy is unthreatened, I assure you.  Especially as a Christian, it was "encouraging" to read Spiritual blog posts (namely by the opposite sex) and be thankful that the Lord was working in their life.  You would then express that work of the Spirit with the aforementioned "eProps."  If you really made a friend, you might add them on your AIM.

So to cut a long story short, this one such blog buddy had this song on her profile.  If you went to her page, the first verse would loop over and over again. It was wistful and beautiful, pretty much the same emotions that go into internet relationships today.  Xanga would burn out and before long, the Facebook revolution was upon us. Not that much would change, though - the interface just got better.

So, hearing those lyrics tonight, memories of 2004 came flooding back.  I am profoundly thankful that I'm not who I was in 2004 anymore. I'm so so thankful for Gospel change in my life.  Yet, I can reflect, as Twitter and Facebook make their promises to better integrate my life and put the world at my fingertips, that there is nothing new under the sun. The same hollowness and emptiness that I sought to stave away with Xanga blogging... well, it doesn't react any better to our modern Social Media, either.  I'm not who I was... nor am I who I'm going to be.  I titled my Xanga "A Pilgrim's Psalter," subtitle, "A Sojourner's Song." Honestly, that's still apt. Let the Gospel journey continue.

Skool, Part 3 (Or, "Back to School, Back to School")

Skool is an (allegedly) on-going series in which I reflect on my experience in the Pastor's School of Sojourn Community Church here in Louisville, KY. Beyond that experience, I hope to challenge the mode of pastoral training in America, now exported throughout the world. As a former staff member of an undergraduate ministry training college (and an honors graduate of that same college), I want to write with sensitivity yet honesty, asking first, "Is our system biblical?" and second, "Is our children learning?" (;-), W 43). Previous posts can be found here, here, and here.


This morning marked the start of the second semester of the first year of Sojourn's Pastor's School.  I don't know if I've ever been so excited to be somewhere at 6 am.  (Usually for me, excited and 6 am aren't in the same sentence.)  Last semester's three modules of study featured eldership/leadership, preaching, and biblical counseling, with biblical theology reading being assigned throughout the semester.  We returning students had homework due today, a manuscript for a 5-15 minute sermon explaining the Gospel.  Pastor Nathan Ivey will teach us first, as our first module is Missions, Mercy, and Evangelism, the area in which he provides pastoral leadership within our body.  I expect to get my guts kicked in over the next five weeks.  I have a very convenient way of hiding behind my busy schedule, making excuses regarding getting to know my neighbors and preaching the gospel to them.  Nathan took that head-on today.  I can only expect more of the same over the coming weeks.

My training for leadership in the Church (something in the pastoring/planting/missions spectrum) will look a little different this Spring, not because of something new, but rather, something old.  As planned, I am returning from my grad work Sabbath and have re-enrolled at Southern Seminary, my once and future (Lord willing) alma matter, a school of no little importance.  I am also taking a further academic step by becoming Dr. Carlton's Garrett Fellow, grading for/assisting him in the Missions program at Boyce College.

Am I a hypocrite, then?  Am I abandoning the concept of church-based ministry training?  Am I biting the hand that's fed me for many years and now, yet again, will put me through school?  No.  I certainly hope not.  For starters, I've come to learn that blind loyalty is not loyalty at all.  It's a passive form of selfishness, seeking to serve oneself with a conflict-free relationship when good relationships call for open, honest, conversation that will often look like conflict.  Also, personal attacks and slander are sins that I desire to keep far from me.  The leadership of the school, including those who laid me off, are my brothers in Christ and I harbor no bitterness towards them.  That said, I have several thoughts on why I am returning to Southern Seminary and what I hope to gain from my experience there.

• First and foremost, I hope to gain a degree.  I do believe that it is regrettable that the Master of Divinity has become a sort of prerequisite to pastoral ministry and work, especially since 1 Tim. 3:1-7 sets up a much more strenuous and exacting standard than any seminary could ever set.  But, there we are.   This is the system that is firmly ensconced.  The system must change if the church is to rapidly and powerfully expand.  Systems, however, are only successfully and sustainably changed from the inside.  Period.  The best revolutionaries are the ones who studied at the universities of their colonial occupiers and learned to see the defects in the system.  How much more so can Christians of differing viewpoints learn from each other?  
• Secondly, I hope to gain helpful auxiliary knowledge.  There is no better place than the church to learn the preaching of the Word, to learn the inter-personal preaching of the Word that is Biblical Counseling, to learn evangelism, to learn worship, to learn leadership, etc.  Helpful things like biblical languages, Church history, and some of the finer points of academic theology, though, are more easily learned in the academy.  Seminary can help supplement, and it is a fine supplement.  The problem comes when people try to live off supplements.  Vitamins are not food!
• Thirdly, I hope to enhance my experience of the church Catholic.  Christ's church consists of more than just mine, fortunately!  Many of (and some of the best) professors at Southern are elders in their churches, for instance, and many sweet people are students there.  I do hope to make (some) new friends, but I am ultra-wary regarding this as I'm not in college anymore.  Life is lived in the real world, and my relationships within the covenant membership of my church and with my co-workers and neighbors must continue to receive the priority.

With those goals, in mind, I have a few goals for myself, interpersonally.  

• First, don't be a jerk.  This cannot be overstated.  While I don't think I'd go about intentionally insulting people, stealing lunch money, or stuffing nerds in lockers like your classic jerk might, I must be careful in how I speak in conversations especially regarding church life.  A friend of mine used to live in the dorms at Boyce.  It was related to me that he was having a debate with a hall mate over some issue, and the hall mate snapped at him: "Get off your Sojourn high horse."  While unequivocally condemning such an ungodly response, I must be careful to not espouse me and my viewpoints as being authoritative.
• Second, don't over commit.  There's a thousand things to do at SBTS.  As Billy Madison would say, "I'm here to learn," and that means disciplining myself to avoid distracting student groups.
• Third, do utilize the resources available.  Libraries, free gyms, beautiful scenery, all these things can be helpful and beneficial.
• Fourth, don't overemphasize my seminary status.  My name is Paul Butterworth and I've been saved by Jesus Christ.  That is my identity.  My status does not come in any thing, and thus, I have no need to boast in being a seminary student.  I'm not ashamed of it, mind you.  It just doesn't need to be on the tip of my tongue.  I'm in grad school. Tens of thousands of Americans are in my same place, be it in law, medicine, business, education, et. al.  Being in seminary does not make me special.

So, there it is.  My schooling will continue in two fronts now.  The primary field of learning remains Sojourn Pastor's School.  As I was telling Pastor Mike the other day, I feel like I'm going back to school as a Sojourner going to seminary, not a seminarian going to Sojourn.  It's the difference that having a church family can make, and the difference from understanding God's plan for the world will be accomplished through the church.

More to come.  Seriously.  It won't be two plus months this time. :)

Christmas Eve 2009: Don't Fear, Fear God

By Mountain Standard Tim, it is 11:32 pm.  Christmas Eve is ticking to a close and soon I shall be visited by the first of 3 spirits, all of which will be played by Jim Carrey and/or Muppets.  :)

I've found myself a bit pensive today.  My sin has been before me today, and with Christmas being a season about the Gospel, I've had some extra ammunition to fight thoughts of doubt and guilt.  As I read Luke 1, this evening, Zechariah's prophecy about the ministry of the Messiah was powerfully comforting.

"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,
to give knowledge of salvation to his people
in the forgiveness of their sins,
because of the tender mercy of our God,
whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace.”

Tender mercy. Forgiveness of sin. Light to those who sit in darkness. Peace.  All this is found in the Gospel, that is, the Good News that Jesus was born, lived, crucified, and resurrected in the place of sinners like me, that I might be reconciled to God.  It's a tradition of mine to bust out Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Christmas Sermons during Advent each year, and I've been greatly comforted by his words.  Bonhoeffer lived through some excruciatingly tough days, seeking to follow Christ (and lead the Confessing - i.e. anti-Nazi - German church) during the rule of the Third Reich.  He was eventually martyred for his leadership and refusal to submit to Hitler.  In preaching on Rev. 14:6-13, he brought out the following, which is a great comfort as well:

This is a great comfort for all who believe: The gospel remains.  It is an eternal gospel, our gospel, which we hear, read and preach, Sunday by Sunday, the gospel that once changed our lives, when we understood it for the first time. ... The gospel remains through all eternity.  We need not fear or trouble ourselves  with the thought  that it might, as it seems today, be abandoned.  What are ten years or even more of our experience and observations? The gospel is eternal and remains despite everything.  It remains the one and only true proclamation of God and his lordship over the world.

... That is the first command of the gospel. "Fear God" and you will have nothing else to fear.  Don't fear what the next day may bring. Don't fear other people. Don't fear violence and power, even when it comes to you personally and can rob you of your life. Don't fear the high and mighty in the world.  Don't fear yourself. Don't fear your sins. All these fears will die. From all these fears you will be set free. For you they are no longer there. But fear God and him alone. ... Fear God seriously and "give him glory." He would be acknowledged as the creator, as our creator, he would be acknowledged as the reconciler, who has made peace between God and man; he would be acknowledged as redeemer, who at the end sets us free from all our sins and all our burdens.  Honor him and his holy gospel, "because the hour of his judgment has come." And this judgment is the gospel itself. The eternal gospel is the judge of all peoples.


For those of you who know Christ this is a great hope in which to rejoice.  The first Christmas was a huge moment in the history of God's plan to save us.  Rejoice, take hope, remember.  For those of you who don't know Christ, who don't acknowledge him as Lord and God of all, know that the baby born in Bethlehem was born to rule, born to save.  Don't reject his salvation, for every person on earth will fall into one of two groups: those who are saved by Christ or those who oppose him and justly face the consequences.  Know his tender mercies.  Feel the warmth of his sunrise.  Step out of the darkness.

Merry Christmas.

Going, Going...

Seven years. Seven years is a long time. No matter what the circumstance, it's hard to fathom separation after that span of time. Part of me had thought that the time was coming soon, the other part of me thought there was yet fruitful work left. Regardless, God's will is good. It's not just abstractly good, either. His work in this present situation is good, good for me, even. His plans are better for me than I could plan. What a thought! Every time I read that Ephesians passage about how God can do more than we can ask or imagine, I think of Han Solo, incredulous, insisting that he "can imagine an awful lot." Regardless, in the face of the unknown, I find this God who is indeed known to me, who has made himself known to me, I find him telling me that his plans for me are for good and not for evil, that his will will be done and that his kingdom will yet be consummated soon. I look forward to that day and know that while it is still today, there is much work to be done.

Attack of the Random Thoughts: '09 Innaugeral Edition

I hate the feeling when you wake up restless and unable to get back to sleep. Oh well. I guess this gives me a chance to thought process.

I'm excited to be a groomsman today. Maybe it's a dorky desire but I don't care. I've known Jonathan "Biggz" Owens a long time, the same for Lindsey Wilson. That the Lord has brought them together is a testament to his great grace and his sovereignty over the story lines of our lives. We had the bachelor party on Friday night (Mongolian + bowling), rehearsal/dinner last night, and now, "the bells are going to chime." (Side note: you can know Biggz too! Please watch the aptly titled YouTube video, "Biggz Kicked In the Face," below.) It's been a blessing to celebrate so thoroughly with them, but my confession is that my Christological reflection has been weak. In other words, I know that marriage is of the clearest pictures of how Jesus relates to his church, who is his bride. I haven't been chewing on that though. I haven't been drawing joy from this, one of the most joyful of truths.

I'll put it another way. I've been re-reading C.S. Lewis's last and greatest novel, Till We Have Faces. The novel is a re-working of the Greek myth of Cupid & Psyche, set in ancient England. The thrust of the story resonates deeply with me - the fight to believe and know the gods. From ol' Jack's and my perspective, this is really about the fight of any human being to believe in Christ. I won't spoil the story for you, but in midst of a charged exchange, a believer in the gods entreats another with the words, "Why should our hearts not dance?"

Look, this world is a world of sin. I was reminded in Chicago, where despite the beautiful buildings and rich culture, corruption is king. Gov. Rod Blagojevich tried to sell a Senate seat. A Senate seat! I'm reminded in Louisville, be it driving in Germantown or making an infrequent trip to Mall St. Matthews. In both of those contexts, I see people walking around, almost in a daze. They are trapped in cycles of poverty and/or greed, worshiping idols who cannot help. Even so, I feel my heart straying away from the only reason I have to rejoice: Jesus Christ. In spite of all this, because of all this, we must must must must must rejoice in Christ all the more. As Poe said, "Ours is a world of sweets and sours."

So, I guess I'll close with some Sandra. This about says it perfectly for me. Oh, this world is beautiful and tragic, oh my sin constantly shocks me, oh how I fight to keep clutching my idols, and oh how none of this will be fully rectified until kingdom come. Come quickly Lord Jesus.

Rock of Ages,
When in want or rest,
My desperate need
For such a Savior I confess
Pull these idols out
From my heart embrace
Rock of Ages, I need your grace.

Down & Up

I'm learning how to preach the gospel to myself, but it is hard. It is hard enough on a normal day. It's even harder when I sin. Unfortunately for me, this is the "in season" and "out of season" of my self-preaching. I need to hear it everyday. I need to hear it now.

Some of my pastors have phrased it as going "Down the slope of repentance and up the slope of faith." Going down the slope of repentance involves first, seeing and owning my sin, then, seeing the sin beneath my sin, and finally, exposing the idols/false lovers of my heart. Proceeding up the slope of faith involves four assertions: Jesus lived for me, Jesus died for me, God sees me in Jesus, Jesus lives in me.

I'm really good at wallowing in guilt but really bad at claiming my sin. This is exactly what Satan wants, because worldly sorrow leads to death. Jesus Christ lived and died for me, and as Luther said, Jesus only saves real sinners, not pretend ones. Unless I'm honest about my sin, I cannot be saved. The thing about my sin, though, is that it's not the truest thing about me. Jesus is the truest thing about me. God sees me in Jesus. I struggle with seeing me in Jesus, but that's where I am.

In his sermon the other week, Pastor Rob Plummer talked about how we need to keep rehearsing biblical things, like calling each other "brother" or "sister," until they sink in and we say them out heartfelt conviction. Going up and down these slopes is in the same vein. I will never get beyond the Gospel. That's a good thing.

Chicago (All Things Go)

It's 7:30 am local time. I am amongst an "Epoch of Eight" brothers who have trekked to Chicago for a long weekend. We've threaded New Year's Day into the coming weekend, and thanks to the hotel discount one of our party enjoys as part of his pay package, namely the one and only Michael Scott Daniel, we are enjoying the posh accommodations of the Hampton Inn Majestic in the Chicago Theater District. We left about midday on the 1st and arrived at the brightly lit Metropolis skyline later that night.

Aided by the internet and the expertise of Jason Myhre (who previously interned here, unsure as to whether it was unpaid or not), we have gotten off the beaten path. Deep-dish at Giordano's, Chicago dogs at Gold Coast Hot Dogs, Thai at Siam Noodle and Rice, Coffee at Intelligentsia, nothing has disappointed. Yesterday was a cultural day, as we split our attention was split between two art museums (Michael and I opted for the Art Institute of Chicago, seeing some of my favorite paintings in the world, chief of which is Edward Hopper's "Nighthawks.") and spent the evening at the local jazz haunt, Green Mill. Today, as both money and energy is a bit thin from yesterday, will feature more rest but of course, further exploration is a must.

We've remarked throughout the trip about how much of a blessing from God this has been. We've had the chance to rest, to laugh, to encourage, to listen, to pray. Such things only come to us by the hand of our Lord Jesus Christ. What a kind savior he is!

Homeward Bound

A week in Arizona has come to an end. In all my travels, I have still yet to see something so brilliant as a mediocre sunset over the Phoenix sky.

It has been a trip of reflection and reunion. I have struggled in my heart with what it means to go "down the slope of repentance and up the slope of faith." I have played a crapload of Settlers of Catan (with the Cities and Knights expansion.) And now, a Southwest Airlines jet is about to carry me back to what is now home, Louisville, Kentucky. "Every stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be..."

AZ

I've returned to the state that formed so much of my identity for so long, the great state of Arizona. It was only just recently that I became a legal resident of the Commonwealth, but the ties to here have been severed for some time now. My parents live here, my paternal relatives live here, many friends from high school are still here. Regardless, I've swapped sagebrush for bluegrass and I'm not turning back. I wish I could articulate my feelings about change, growth, and as my friend Michael Morgan put it, "experimenting with adulthood."


Tomorrow (by Arizona time) is Christmas Eve and provided it doesn't snow more, I will attend my parent's church Christmas Eve service, a service I've gone to for years and years and years. I will be reminded about how much things of change and how much some things haven't, but moreover, I want to be reminded of Jesus Christ and his Gospel.

It Won't Be Like This In Heaven

I've been getting sick a lot lately. Constant sinus infections and a bout with bronchitis, mostly, but for the second time since Thanksgiving, I'm fighting off (almost debilitating) stomach cramps. I went to the doctor yesterday and I have a course of treatment laid out. Still, it's frustrating not being able to do the work that is rapidly pile up around the office or invest into my beloved community of friends. I've been taking Tylenol in hopes of staving off the pain while the prescription does its work.

The first time this came on, I was on the tail end of that initial bout and was able to gather to worship with my Sojourn brothers and sisters. As I was walking towards the doors of the 930, I met a dear brother, Matt Harner. I told him the quick version of the story, and his first words of response hit me like a wave of comfort and hope.

"It won't be like this in heaven."

My perspective falls so short so often. The pain's been worse this time around but Matt's words have again reminded me of my ultimate hope, and the Christ who puts all of this into perspective.

Wrap Up Music: 12/1/08

It's past my bedtime, and I thought I'd burn the last bit of oil by sharing my wrap up music for the first day of the last month of 2008 AD. This song has an odd genesis, with its lyrics originally being pinned by Isaac Watts and known as "Hymn 39," but when it entered the rural hymnal that is the Sacred Harp, it became known by it's tune, "Africa." (No clue why "Africa." There is nothing about Africa in the song.) I first heard it when my brethren in Sojourn Music sang it to our church a few weeks ago. Learning that that version was The Innocence Mission's interpretation, I immediately plopped my $.99 on Steve Job's barrel head and made my best purchase that week.

Now shall my inward joys arise,
And burst into a song;
Almighty love inspires my heart,
And pleasure tunes my tongue.

God on his thirsty Zion hill
Some mercy drops has thrown,
And solemn oaths have bound his love
To shower salvation down.

Why do we then indulge our fears,
Suspicions, and complaints?
Is he a God, and shall his grace
Grow weary of his saints?

Man. Is he a God? What a question to ask and immediately answer. Pleasure tunes my tongue? Now that's Christian Hedonism. This song rocks me and socks me with Watt's confidence in Christ. "Abraham believed God." In the face of everything in this world, in the face of all the lies that the satanic trinity (world, flesh, devil) fumes, what power is there in simply trusting in our loving Father? "Why do we then indulge our fears, suspicions and complaints? Is he a God, and shall his grace grow weary of his saints?" The Scripture tells us he has loved us with an everlasting love. What wondrous love is this, oh my soul!

Remember!

I forget so so quickly. Case in point, Deuteronomy 8.

The whole commandment that I command you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land that the LORD swore to give to your fathers. And you shall remember the whole way the the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. Know then in your heart that, as a man disciples his son, the LORD your God disciplines you. So you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him. For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive trees and honey, a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you.

Take care lest you forget the LORD your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, lest when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied,then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. Beware, lest you say in your heart, 'My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.' You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day. And if your forget the LORD your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish. Like the nations that the LORD makes to perish before you, so shall you perish, because you would not obey the voice of the LORD your God.

Remember!!! Everything in this life, both good and ill, comes to us from the hand of our loving God! I forget so often. Either comfort lulls me to forget or trials spark the timbers of unbelief in my heart. I was reading a devotion by Dietrich Bonhoeffer today (taken from Ethik) in which he talked about how Jesus referring to himself as "the life" changes the conversation entirely. No longer do we discourse abstractly about pain and suffering. Rather now, we have a relationship with life. "Jesus sets his own self in the sharpest contrast to all thoughts, concepts, and ways that claim to make up the essence of life." I think is exactly what the Spirit is saying through Moses in Deuteronomy 8.

The Israelites had known the bitter tears of slavery and were about to experience the lush joys of Canaan. Regardless of circumstance, the call to them is the same call of Christ to us: "Know me! Know me! I am the way, the truth, and the life." Our life is not a series of events or a list of things: It's Christ!

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked... But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 2:1,5-6)

Two Weeks

Sunday was the fourteenth day of two crazy weeks. It started two weeks ago today, when just before dorm meeting began, I was informed that one of my guys one in the hospital. The two weeks have included it all, including car trouble (yet to be resolved completely), proof that the Lord's purpose prevails over all the many plans in my heart, a high-stress paper, and a difficult R.L. situation. The reaccuring theme, though, has been God's sovereignty, especially his goodness and faithfulness. I'm not sure if all this is going to continue on into a third crazy week or not, but regardless, He stays the same, and in this can I hope with confidence.